I journal on a level that is nearly obsessive. I write letters to people that I will never send. I write long, detail-oriented explanations of conversations I had with friends. I cry into the pages and blur ink into the lines. I pour my heart and soul and salt and blood into these journals. I empty my heaviest weights and scream my newest revelations. It is my release. So when this idea occurred to me, it wasn’t even a question. I knew I would be doing this. So here is the newest addition to my many many themed journals.
I felt the need to share this with you because, if I hadn’t thought of it, I would want someone to mention it to me. I have a prayer journal (big surprise – read more here). I write about my future husband often in that journal. I mention him here and there and pray for his safety and faith life. It is one of my favorite topics to pray on because it is still such a mystery to me. I love mysteries – as long as there is an answer somewhere at the end of the story. I love that God knows the end of this story, and he is watching me try to figure out which page I should be on. I love that sometimes he sends me little hints – a sentence or a chapter title. So yesterday, when I was doing one of my little journal catch-ups, I mentioned him – my future husband. And as I prayed for him, it occurred to me that I could also be writing to him.
And so it begins. I have picked one of my empty journals that I’d been holding back for a special occasion, and I am going to start filling it with letters. Slowly, probably having to restrain myself from writing too much, I will fill it with teenage memories and thoughts that I will want to tell my husband one day. He is out there right now – he is eating lunch or getting out of mass or brushing his teeth. Probably pulling a push door. He is a real human being that is out there and I want him to know – whenever we marry – that I was thinking about him all of this time. I was aware that one day he would be the most important person in my life. I wanted to meet him. I was so excited. I was so interested in who he was and how he was growing up.
I want to document all of my thoughts about him now, so that one day I can deliver them to him. I want to be able to look back and wonder at myself. I want him to feel like our romance is literally timeless. It existed before we even met – or at least before we knew we were meant for each other. Yet another reason to begin writing now – what if I have already met him?! What if he is right under my nose and I just haven’t seen him in the right light yet? How funny it would be to look back and see how our relationship grew. I love my future husband. I know it sounds silly – but one day he will be my partner. One day we will face the world together. How could I not love and support him now? Even if it is only with prayers and one-sided letters.
So this is my new project. I’m sending love to my future husband from his future wife. It’s a time capsule and a love letter and a big mystery all at once – all my favorite things! I am extremely excited about it. Maybe I have inspired you to start a similar project? It could be a letter a year or a month, I am just such an avid writer I don’t know if I can restrain myself to that little writing.
I love him and I can’t wait to meet him. I hope this journal of letters will hold me accountable to my future self. That it will inspire me to be thoughtful and prayerful. I hope it will bring me closer to God and his plan for my life. I hope that it will remind me of my promise of purity. I want this journal to do so much in my life, it sounds a bit crazy. I just love the idea of it and sometimes I let excitement fill me up to the brim. I think it is healthy to do that every once in a while. I wonder if my future husband thinks so as well…