If We Were Having Coffee… 01.01.2017

If we were having coffee…

It would be the first time in a long time. I kinda fell off the face of the earth for a while, but here I am again. Are you really surprised? Don’t I always come crawling back with stories to tell? I’d sit you down and take a deep breath before I completely unraveled my new world for you. And you would probably sit there, listening but not really following because I’m a bit of a rambling mess. My life has never been so interesting and I’m having a hard time putting it into words for you.

If we were having coffee…

I’d have to explain that I’m loving school so much. I love it. I love classes and meaningful homework. I like my major. I like my friends. I like my life here. I think I am finally beginning to feel like I am fulfilling something in myself. I was homeschooled all through high school, and I am so happy I was. But it was about time for me to explore opportunities outside of the four walls of my room. I spent so much time living in my worlds of fiction on my laptop and in my books. It was so me to be lost in the fantasy. Now I hardly have time to get lost in fiction when I am constantly lost in real life.

If we were having coffee…

I’d tell you that I’m actually not that bad at living on my own. Before I left it was the one thing I thought I may not be able to handle. But from the first week I was surprised at how easy it felt to finally take control of my own life. I control where I go and when I get there. I can do the things I want to do if I make the time for them. Being alone makes me braver. I’m still terrified, but I have a newfound confidence in my ability to tackle things I am completely new to. I feel like I’m constantly lost, like I said. But I also feel like I’ve been given a backpack of tools to figure my way out of the maze. I never feel completely hopeless and that alone makes me feel so in control of myself. I love it.

If we were having coffee…

I’d probably ask for advice. I didn’t expect to find being alone so difficult at college. It feels like I can’t go anywhere and be truly alone. My room, campus, church. I crave solitude and I can’t find it anywhere. I have a roommate, people are always around the corner, and everyone looks to the pews for silence. I just miss the ease of disappearing into my room to stare at the ceiling and rest in my own mind. I know I’m going to have to change things, but I’m sure you know how it feels to want to hide from the world. Or take unnecessary showers just to get a room to yourself for 20 minutes. I’d ask if you have tips on how to reclaim my time alone? I am so tired of not being alone and it definitely is making my mental health more difficult to balance.

Thanks for listening. I know I start to sound monotonous sometimes, and I really appreciate your time and perseverance.


One thought on “If We Were Having Coffee… 01.01.2017

  1. Alone time? What is that?? Haha. That said, on our campus, there were a couple benches that weren’t completely secluded, so great for people watching and yet afforded me alone-time. Also, for a while I was working out twice a day (once with our ROTC battalion, since I was a cadet); the second time, I would hit up the gym, put my headphones in my ears, and tune out the world. Wasn’t completely alone, and yet, it was an escape.

    Finally, if there are safe places to hike – where you let someone know where you are headed and when they should worry, I have always had luck with nature giving me alone time.

    Until I had kids… now, I have no advice… 😉


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