If we were having coffee…
It would be the first time in a long time. I kinda fell off the face of the earth for a while, but here I am again. Are you really surprised? Don’t I always come crawling back with stories to tell? I’d sit you down and take a deep breath before I completely unraveled my new world for you. And you would probably sit there, listening but not really following because I’m a bit of a rambling mess. My life has never been so interesting and I’m having a hard time putting it into words for you.
If we were having coffee…
I’d have to explain that I’m loving school so much. I love it. I love classes and meaningful homework. I like my major. I like my friends. I like my life here. I think I am finally beginning to feel like I am fulfilling something in myself. I was homeschooled all through high school, and I am so happy I was. But it was about time for me to explore opportunities outside of the four walls of my room. I spent so much time living in my worlds of fiction on my laptop and in my books. It was so me to be lost in the fantasy. Now I hardly have time to get lost in fiction when I am constantly lost in real life.
If we were having coffee…
I’d tell you that I’m actually not that bad at living on my own. Before I left it was the one thing I thought I may not be able to handle. But from the first week I was surprised at how easy it felt to finally take control of my own life. I control where I go and when I get there. I can do the things I want to do if I make the time for them. Being alone makes me braver. I’m still terrified, but I have a newfound confidence in my ability to tackle things I am completely new to. I feel like I’m constantly lost, like I said. But I also feel like I’ve been given a backpack of tools to figure my way out of the maze. I never feel completely hopeless and that alone makes me feel so in control of myself. I love it.
If we were having coffee…
I’d probably ask for advice. I didn’t expect to find being alone so difficult at college. It feels like I can’t go anywhere and be truly alone. My room, campus, church. I crave solitude and I can’t find it anywhere. I have a roommate, people are always around the corner, and everyone looks to the pews for silence. I just miss the ease of disappearing into my room to stare at the ceiling and rest in my own mind. I know I’m going to have to change things, but I’m sure you know how it feels to want to hide from the world. Or take unnecessary showers just to get a room to yourself for 20 minutes. I’d ask if you have tips on how to reclaim my time alone? I am so tired of not being alone and it definitely is making my mental health more difficult to balance.
Thanks for listening. I know I start to sound monotonous sometimes, and I really appreciate your time and perseverance.