I’ve always been a party person on New Year’s Eve. When I was in high school, I threw the party that all my friends came to. It was a highlight of my year to plan a party and see everyone enjoy the games I set up and the food I prepared. People talked about the party for weeks afterward. I loved it. Last year I went to a party at my friend’s church that lasted all night and into the morning. It was amazing, but that night also did some things to me that I didn’t expect. Continue reading
I’ve been away at college for an entire semester now, as you can probably tell from my absence here on the blog. In the past four months of my life, you could say my faith has been on a bit of a roller-coaster ride. It’s been thrown around, clung to, and tossed aside multiple times. Being on my own with my faith has made me question how much I rely on it, and on others.
It’s strange. Before I arrived at college, I was so connected to God and to my conversations with Him. I would spend hours out of my day just pondering my Catholic faith. I didn’t have friends nearby, and I didn’t have many responsibilities to tend to. I was alone with my faith more than I could have ever asked for. It was honestly my favorite thing about myself. I went to mass every week of the first month or so of college. It was interesting. I love the church, but the community is different from what I was expecting. I am used to the strong, tight-knit church community of my small town home. I knew I was walking into a much larger and more diverse atmosphere, but I didn’t expect to feel lonely in the pews. I haven’t been feeling at home in the church. I didn’t expect to right away, but that lonely feeling in church has only ever happened to me once before. I didn’t see it coming, and I think it is going to be difficult to overcome. I hadn’t been to church in awhile, but I made the effort to get there this past Sunday. Continue reading
If we were having coffee…
It would have to be sometime in the afternoon. I am so tired lately. It takes all of my will to keep my eyes open when I wake up in the morning. Thanks for being willing to have an afternoon caffeine run with me. You’re really just so amazing.
If we were having coffee…
I’d tell you about how busy I have been getting things ready for college. I just had my orientation and got my schedule! I am so excited to get to my university and go to the classes and learn such awesome cool things. Whenever anyone asks if I am excited for the freedom I feel odd when I say yes. I don’t want to be one of those girls that drinks and sleeps with a boy she just met. I don’t want to be at parties every other night when I could be watching movies with friends in my dorm. When people ask if I’m excited for the freedom, they are referring to this ability to do all these things without reprimand from my parental units. But freedom means so much more than that. So when I say yes I am answering what freedom really means to me, but they picture me in a group of girls taking turns at beer pong. I’m worried about the atmosphere. I’m worried about the pressure and the ideas about who I am going to be at college. I know it doesn’t make any sense. Why am I letting all of this get to me right now? I could use some counsel I guess. I know that I will be able to fall in with a group that thinks the same way as me, but will I be dealing with this stereotype of a college kid for the rest of my college years?
If we were having coffee…
I’d tell you that I feel like God has really been shaping my life like clay lately. I can see real art starting to take shape and I’m really excited. And I’m really proud. It has taken a long time for me to feel safe and trusting enough to let Him mold me the way I am meant to be molded. I see the love and the joy starting to take place. I wish I would’ve started this journey so much sooner, but God’s timing has been so divine. It all happened exactly when it was supposed to. And He knew I would see that. He knows me.
If we were having coffee…
I’d tell you I have been neglecting my blog a bit. I haven’t been regular. But my faith life has seemed to blossom in my absence here. I find myself really thinking about things that are happening in my life more often now. I’m really happy about it. I also ordered a devotional. I have never had a devotional before. I am really excited to start using it. I have high hopes for where my faith life is going. Every time I open another door I discover so much I didn’t even know existed for me. God just continues to amaze me. I just need to share more of it here for you guys to read.
If we were having coffee…
I’d tell you that there is a man in my life. I mentioned him a few weeks ago. Slowly, ever so slowly, things seem to be changing between us. I can’t describe it right, but I know that God is in the midst of it. I know that He brought us together and that He has the plans for us in action. There is a divine something going on. It has been incredibly hard to keep myself in check. I find myself praying and simply talking to God all the time about it. Searching for counsel and guidance. I am not very experienced in this kind of relationship. It seems so much more special than anything I’ve ever been involved in. Will you pray for me? Will you pray for him?
Thank you for listening to me this week. I know that sometimes I ramble. You are so kind to stick around even though our coffee is long gone. I am so happy to have a friend like you.
Dearest Fellow Students,
Technically I am the valedictorian of my school, so I think I am entitled to a little speech. Well, maybe entitled is too strong of a word considering I’m actually home schooled. Nevertheless, I am going to give a speech. I hope it doesn’t bore you to death and sound like literally everything your aunts, cousins, and dogs have been telling you for the past few weeks. I promise to not pinch your cheek and tell you stories about when you were “this tall.”
Graduating from high school does not seem like a big deal to me. I know it is. I know that I should be incredibly excited and just bursting at the seams. But I’m not. I think it may be because I don’t really dislike school. I haven’t had to sit at a desk for seven straight hours a day and I’m not bored by the subjects I learned. I’m an odd duck, I’m aware. But I am very excited about the next step in my life.
For the first time in my life, I am actually seeing all the potential my life has. It’s a bit of a long story, but all of my life I have been focused on one thing or another and I could never really stop long enough to comprehend that I can actually follow all of my interests. I don’t have to settle. I don’t have to do what I said I would do last year. There is every road open to me, and I just have to have the insight and the trust in God to know which one is right for me right now. I don’t have to know about tomorrow or next week or four years from today. There is no way I can know about all of those times. Sometimes I will have to backtrack and sometimes I will have to turn left when I thought I was going to turn right, but overall I am just in awe of how in-control of my life I actually am.
I am in control. I can pursue a doctorate degree or become a mother or enroll in peace corps. I can research what it means to be a nun or how to become a music producer. I know nothing about anything I just listed, but I can find out if I want to. That’s what I mean by control. I am in control of how I spend every second of my life. And you are too. We all have circumstances beyond our control; I’m not trying to disregard all of those. I’m just saying that, above all, there is always a way that we can make our life exactly what we want it to be.
When I look at the next four years I will spend at college, I don’t see school. I see an adventure. The college grads are always saying that it was the best four years of their lives. They wish they could do it over again. They loved every minute of it. But I don’t want to feel that way. Instead of being sad those years are over, I want to top them. I want to know that I spent every minute in classes the way I wanted to spend them. I don’t want to look back at the four years and yearn for them, I want to think about how they were my springboard to send me flying through my life of exploring.
So I have to be brave. I have to be wild and thoughtful and kind. I have to look at who I am and then look at who I want to be in three months. I have to do things I’m terrified of. I have to meet people who intimidate me. I have to learn things. I have to become the woman I already know I am. I’m starting out on this adventure and I don’t intend to let it end in a mere four years.
I am going to stun the world. I am going to come spinning into existence and everyone will have to stop and stare at the magnificent joy that is radiating from me.
So you should do the same. We are graduating! Let’s be done focusing on being something and focus on being ourselves! Let’s run and jump and cart-wheel our way to who we should be. This is our moment. I know, it just feels like another transition into some grown-up life. If we don’t start our lives RIGHT NOW, when will we? Let’s be brave.
Shed the expectations and the preconceived notions. Let’s be exactly who we already are and deal with every single one of the consequences!
If we were having coffee…
I would want to hear about your week. I would want to listen to all the details and the trifles that you have been facing. I’ve recently become incredibly interested in the way all of us are leading such intensely different lives full of complex and woven problems. Things that, when we try to explain to someone else, don’t sound nearly as daunting as they actually are. They don’t seem like they should occupy your mind so fully. Everything sounds smaller when it drains out of your lips into the ears of a listener. At least, is sounds smaller. But for me, when I hear all of those stories you are telling me, my brain swells. It’s like I am trying to take in just a sliver of your human existence and all I can manage is a vague understanding. It simultaneously drives me absolutely mad and makes me blindly happy.
How crazy is it that the only thing all humans crave is to be understood, and yet the only person that can understand you the way you truly need to be understood is the Big Guy up top? How beautiful is it that we get the tiniest piece of that glorious relationship with the people we share our coffee with? How gorgeous these relationships are. I want you to tell me everything that floats through your mind. Tell me about making breakfast and cleaning the windows and driving through town on a stormy night. I want to know because you are so vast and I will only ever be able to understand a pinkie’s worth.
If we were having coffee…
I’d tell you how freaking gorgeous you are to me. Every aspect of your humanness is amazing. The part of me that is still self-centered and stubborn wishes I could climb inside your soul and understand it’s deepest reasonings. But I can’t. I am here to offer the open arms and the laughs and the salty mascara tears. I am here to tell you how worthy you are of being understood. I am here to be your friend and understand as much of you as I can. My best will be just a preview. God lives in our relationship and that makes it so full of flavor. So much understanding swirls around us and so much joy fills my eyes.
Thanks for telling me about the time your cat brought you that dead mouse as a gift. I really do appreciate it. Not the mouse, you.
I just want to open up this blog post to all of you that may need a little extra prayer going up to the big guy this week. It is very comforting to me when others are willing to pray for my personal problems or worries. If you would like me to pray for you this week, please comment below or fill out the contact form. If you are just here for a little read, please pray for the people that choose to comment below. Thank you all and I hope you have a wonderful Sunday with our Lord! Much love and prayers!
Venom. Doubt. Temptation. Poison. Lies. Contempt. Hate.
They all seep into our lives at some point. Whether someone else invites them in or you open the door yourself, evil will always find a way to knock you on your butt. I know that we don’t like to think about it. We would like to pretend that the devil has a lot less impact on our daily lives than what God does, but it simply isn’t true. The devil is always in our shadow waiting for a moment of weakness to hit us where it hurts. So what do we do? How do we protect ourselves and fight when we need to? I’m not an expert, but here are my war tactics.
Pray for intercession from St. Michael the Archangel. This is one of my forever favorite prayers. I learned it by heart in the sixth grade and have held it near and dear to my heart ever since. Something about the protection I feel it provides really sets me at ease with my feelings towards those that dislike me.
Center yourself in love. Find people that love you when you feel surrounded by people that don’t. Go to a family reunion or invite your best friend to dinner. Have fun with others instead of letting the venom of your haters destroy you. Don’t let the devil use others to get to you. It is his way of ruining two lives at once, don’t give him the satisfaction.
Let go and let God. Gather all of your poisonous thoughts into a basket in your mind and hand that basket over to Him. Show Him the assortment of thoughts that you feel are weighing you down. Tell Him that you have been trying to drag them with you, but you realize that now it may be His turn to handle them. He is our greatest protector and our fiercest fighter.
Find a church. Sit in the pews and stare at the crucifix hanging before you. Kneel and let your forehead rest against the wooden back of the pew in front of you. Breath deeply in His presence and let the peace of the place fill you up completely. Just relax into the church and become comfortable again. Let the demons you have been hauling around slip away and just allow yourself to be at His feet.
Arm yourself with His love. Look the evil in the eye and tell him you will have nothing to do with him. Stand up and be brave in the face of venom. Don’t let your heart falter. Take courage and know that God is your armor. He is on your side and He is cheering you on. He is proud that you are not willing to submit. He is joyous that you have chosen the right side. He will help you through this low in your life. Because He loves you so.
Resist for three minutes more. Sometimes temptation is just too strong. Sometimes we feel like we really would rather die than remain without. But we can always wait just three more minutes. And at the end of that three minutes, we can wait another three minutes. Make your suffering shorter because goals are what successes are made of. You are strong for those three minutes, now be strong again. And again. And again. Until you are so strong that the demon of temptation has no power over you.
We are powerful in the love of God. The devil will send us demons when we are least prepared, but if we remember our true King and put our armor into place we can be free of it. Of course, we are only human. Sometimes we will lose the battle. Sometimes we will fall right on our butts and the devil will throw a fiesta in the name of our failure. But Jesus will be there to pick us up and pat us on the back when we are ready to accept His help.